I have been reading until my eyes are ready to bleed, and I have only one question. It came to me while I was at church today. I want to keep my mom part of my and more importantly my son's life. Kiddo seems to adore his grandma, which apparently is exactly what she needs. My MIL passed away when he was only 6 weeks old, so he has no other grandmothers left. I really, really, really hate to break up that relationship. I am not entirely convinced I have to break it off completely.
So here is the question:
How can I be kind to my mother, while protecting my son and myself?
Anybody?
Monday, October 8, 2007
Sunday, October 7, 2007
Today's Reading
Yep. More of the same. Still on this arrogant dude's site.
The slightest criticism, disagreement, shades of opinion – are interpreted by the narcissist as an all out assault against his very existence. (more).....
The narcissist is pathologically envious of people – and projects his feelings unto them. He is always over-suspicious, on guard, ready to fend off an imminent attack. A punishment to the narcissist is a major surprise and a nuisance but it also proves to him and validates what he suspected all the time: that he is being persecuted. Strong forces are poised against him . . . . (more)
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The narcissistic parent seems to employ a myriad of primitive defences in his dealings with his children. Splitting – idealising the child and devaluing him in cycles, which reflect the internal dynamics of the parent rather than anything the child does. Projective Identification – forcing the child into behaviours and traits, which reflect the parents' fears regarding himself or herself, his or her self-image and his or her self-worth. This is a particularly powerful and pernicious mechanism. If the narcissist parent fears his own deficiencies ("defects"), vulnerability, perceived weaknesses, susceptibility, gullibility, or emotions – he is likely to force the child to "feel" these rejected and (to him) repulsive emotions, to behave in ways strongly abhorred by the parent, to exhibit character traits the parent strongly rejects in himself.
The child, in a way, becomes the "trash bin" of the parents' inhibitions, fears, self-loathing, self-contempt, perceived lack of self-worth, sense of inadequacy, rejected traits, repressed emotions, failures and emotional reticence. Coupled with the parent's treatment of the child as the parent's extension, it serves to totally inhibit the psychological growth and emotional maturation of the child. The child becomes a reflection of the parent – a vessel through which the parent experiences and realises himself for better (hopes, aspirations, ambition, life goals) and for worse (weaknesses, "undesirable" emotions, "negative" traits). A host of other, simpler, defence mechanisms employed by the parent are likely to obscure the predominant use of projective identification: projection, displacement, intellectualisation, depersonalisation. Relationships between such parents and their progeny easily deteriorate to sexual or other modes of abuse because there are no functioning boundaries between them. (more)
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Narcissists should be held accountable for most of what they do because they can tell wrong from right AND they can refrain from acting as they do. They simply don't care enough about others to put to good use these twin abilities. Others are not sufficiently important to dent the narcissist's indifference. (more)
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The narcissist perceives every disagreement – let alone criticism – as nothing short of a THREAT. He reacts defensively. He becomes indignant, aggressive and cold. He detaches emotionally for fear of yet another (narcissistic) injury. He devalues the person who made the disparaging remark. By holding the critic in contempt, by diminishing the stature of the discordant conversant – he minimises the impact on himself of the disagreement or criticism. Like a trapped animal, the narcissist is forever on the lookout: was this remark meant to demean him? Was this sentence a deliberate attack? Gradually, his mind turns into a chaotic battlefield of paranoia and ideas of reference until he loses touch with reality and retreats to his own world of fantasised grandiosity. . . . .
Take, for example, the narcissist’s family. Narcissists often instruct, order, or threaten their children into hiding the truth of abuse, malfunction, maladaptation, fear, pervasive sadness, violence, mutual hatred and mutual repulsion which are the hallmarks of the narcissistic family. "Not to launder the dirty laundry outside" is a common sentence. The whole family conforms to the fantastic, grandiose, perfect and superior narrative invented by the narcissist. The family becomes an extension of the False Self. This is an integral function of the Sources of Secondary Narcissistic Supply. Criticising, disagreeing, or exposing the fiction and lies, penetrating the family's facade – are considered to be mortal sins. The sinner is immediately subjected to severe and constant emotional harassment, guilt and blame – and to abuse, including physical abuse. This state of things is especially typical of families with a case of sexual abuse. . . . .
An amusing by-product of this atmosphere of concealment and falsity is mutiny.(more)
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Humans are interchangeable and the narcissist anyhow does not distinguish one individual from another. . . .
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The narcissist equates emotions with weakness. He regards the sentimental and the emotional with contempt. He looks down on the sensitive and the vulnerable. He derides and despises the dependent and the loving. He mocks expressions of compassion and passion. He is devoid of empathy.(more)
The narcissist feels that he controls his human environment mostly by manipulation and mainly by emotional extortion and distortion. This is not far from reality. He suppresses any sign of emotional autonomy. He feels threatened and belittled by an emotion not fostered by him or by his actions directly or indirectly. Counteracting someone else's happiness is the narcissist's way of reminding everyone: I am here, I am omnipotent, you are at my mercy and you will feel happy only when I tell you to. . . .
It is impossible to have a relationship with a narcissist that is meaningful to the narcissist.(more)
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Money stands for love in the narcissist's emotional vocabulary. Having been deprived of love early on in his childhood, the narcissist constantly seeks for love substitutes. To him, money is THE love substitute. (more).......................
Deploying money to control others IS narcissistic. (more)
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3. Living with a Narcissist
You cannot change people, not in the real, profound, deep sense. You can only adapt to them and adapt them to you. If you do find her rewarding at times - you should do two things, in my opinion:
- Determine your limits and boundaries. How much and in which ways can you adapt to her (=accept her AS SHE IS) AND to which extent and in which ways would you like her to adapt to you (=accept you as you are). Act accordingly. Accept what you have decided to accept and reject the rest.
Change in you what you are willing and able to change - and ignore the rest.
It is sort of an unwritten contract of co-existence (could well be a written one, if you are more formally inclined).
- Try to maximize the number of times that "...her walls are down", that you "..find her totally fascinating and everything I desire." What makes her behave this way? Is it something that YOU say or do? Is it preceded by events of a specific nature? Is there anything you can do to make her behave this way more often? (more)
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To be raised as the centre of attention and as the "special one" is to be abused.
The burden of expectations, being taken for granted, the fear to disappoint, the feeling that one is merely an object (of adulation, in this case), an instrument to fulfil other people's dreams, an extension of one's parents - this is the highest, most subtly refined, stealthily pernicious form of abuse. (more)
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Narcissists know the difference between right and wrong and to a large extent they do CHOOSE to do the things they do. They are lazy and have no empathy. To be considerate and understanding one has to invest effort and thought and to empathize. (more)
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A good feeling is also a kind of narcissist supply. . . .I do good things but I am not a good person in the sense that, to me, people are bi-dimensional, instruments for my satisfaction, the fountains of my narcissistic supply, objects. (more)
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Narcissists HATE happiness and joy and ebullience and vivaciousness and, in short, life itself. . . . But there is nothing which reminds narcissists of the totality of their envious experiences than happiness. They lash out at happy people out of their own deprivation. . . . Counteracting someone else's happiness is the narcissist's way of reminding everyone: I am here, I am omnipotent, you are at my mercy, and you will feel happy only when I tell you to. (more)
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A good feeling is also a kind of narcissist supply. . . .I do good things but I am not a good person in the sense that, to me, people are bi-dimensional, instruments for my satisfaction, the fountains of my narcissistic supply, objects. (more)
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Narcissists HATE happiness and joy and ebullience and vivaciousness and, in short, life itself. . . . But there is nothing which reminds narcissists of the totality of their envious experiences than happiness. They lash out at happy people out of their own deprivation. . . . Counteracting someone else's happiness is the narcissist's way of reminding everyone: I am here, I am omnipotent, you are at my mercy, and you will feel happy only when I tell you to. (more)
Thursday, October 4, 2007
More in the same vein
From Narcissistic Personality Disorder, on the page about Traits of NPD:
Or daughters with different opinions, tastes, ambitions, boundaries, etc. God forbid I should think for myself or make any parenting decision different from what she did.
See my posts about vacation.
This makes me wonder about my father, step-father, and grandparents. I have always had suspicians about what my grandfather did to his two daughters and to me. Not that this is proof of anything, it just gives me pause.
This is an exact picture of my mom. She asks what we want, buys what she pleases (Identical, really cheap, gifts for me and SIL, and for Ted and my foster brother--although I could not be more different from Sue, nor Ted from Mike) and then does the hurt routine if we are not absolutely thrilled.
Boy, oh boy. Now that gives me some stuff to think about. The most depressing part is this:
How sad. How sad for me, for my son, and for my mom. I know, intuitively, that there is potential for a much richer emotional life than what we have now or ever will have. I have read over this web site twice now, trying to take it all in. I have always known that my mom was a pathetic, empty shell without an original thought in her head. Now I see why I have never felt I really mattered to her. I see why none of our conversations make sense.
What I don't see is, how am I going to deal with the relationship between my son, and the grandmother he adores?
Narcissists are grandiose. They live in an artificial self invented from fantasies of absolute or perfect power, genius, beauty, etc. . . . Grandiosity can take various forms -- a narcissistic woman may believe herself to be the very model of perfect womanhood, the standard by which all others are measured, and she will try to force her daughters to be just like her, she will not be able to cope with daughters who are taller or shorter than she is, fatter or thinner, who have bigger or smaller feet, breasts, teeth, who have different favorite colors than hers, etc.
Or daughters with different opinions, tastes, ambitions, boundaries, etc. God forbid I should think for myself or make any parenting decision different from what she did.
And they criticize, gripe, and complain about almost everything and almost everyone almost all the time. . . . Narcissists are noted for their negative, pessimistic, cynical, or gloomy outlook on life. Sarcasm seems to be a narcissistic specialty, not to mention spite. Lacking love and pleasure, they don't have a good reason for anything they do and they think everyone else is just like them, except they're honest and the rest of us are hypocrites. Nothing real is ever perfect enough to satisfy them, so are they are constantly complaining and criticizing -- to the point of verbal abuse and insult.
See my posts about vacation.
There are usually a favored few whom narcissists regard as absolutely above reproach, even for egregious misconduct or actual crime, and about whom they won't brook the slightest criticism. These are people the narcissists are terrified of, (emphasis mine) though they'll tell you that what they feel is love and respect; apparently they don't know the difference between fear and love.
This makes me wonder about my father, step-father, and grandparents. I have always had suspicians about what my grandfather did to his two daughters and to me. Not that this is proof of anything, it just gives me pause.
Narcissists are very disappointing as gift-givers. This is not a trivial consideration in personal relationships. I've seen narcissistic people sweetly solicit someone's preferences ("Go ahead -- tell me what you really want"), make a show of paying attention to the answer ("Don't you think I'm nice?"), and then deliver something other than what was asked for -- and feel abused and unappreciated when someone else gets gratitude for fulfilling the very request that the narcissist evoked in the first place.
This is an exact picture of my mom. She asks what we want, buys what she pleases (Identical, really cheap, gifts for me and SIL, and for Ted and my foster brother--although I could not be more different from Sue, nor Ted from Mike) and then does the hurt routine if we are not absolutely thrilled.
Boy, oh boy. Now that gives me some stuff to think about. The most depressing part is this:
Now, it is possible to have a relatively smooth relationship with a narcissist, and it's possible to maintain it for a long time. The first requirement for this, though, is distance: this simply cannot be done with a narcissist you live with. Given distance, or only transient and intermittent contact, you can get along with narcissists by treating them as infants: you give them whatever they want or need whenever they ask and do not expect any reciprocation at all, do not expect them to show the slightest interest in you or your life (or even in why you're bothering with them at all), do not expect them to be able to do anything that you need or want, do not expect them to apologize or make amends or show any consideration for your feelings, do not expect them to take ordinary responsibility in any way . . . .It is also essential that you keep emotional distance from narcissists. . . . Once they know you are emotionally attached to them, they expect to be able to use you like an appliance and shove you around like a piece of furniture. If you object, then they'll say that obviously you don't really love them or else you'd let them do whatever they want with you. If you should be so uppity as to express a mind and heart of your own, then they will cut you off . . . .Or retreat like a turtle into a shell.
How sad. How sad for me, for my son, and for my mom. I know, intuitively, that there is potential for a much richer emotional life than what we have now or ever will have. I have read over this web site twice now, trying to take it all in. I have always known that my mom was a pathetic, empty shell without an original thought in her head. Now I see why I have never felt I really mattered to her. I see why none of our conversations make sense.
What I don't see is, how am I going to deal with the relationship between my son, and the grandmother he adores?
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
This explains a lot.
My girl Katherine at Our Report Card posted a link to a terrific page about Narcissistic Personality Disorder. This particular quotation is as apt a description of my childhood as I have ever seen:
Having a narcissist for a mother is a lot like living under the supervision of a six-year-old. Narcissists are always pretending, and with a narcissistic mother it's a lot like, "Let's play house. I'll pretend to be the mother and you pretend to be the baby," though, as the baby, you'll be expected to act like a doll (keep smiling, no matter what) and you'll be treated like a doll -- as an inanimate object, as a toy to be manipulated, dressed and undressed, walked around and have words put in your mouth; something that can be broken but not hurt, something that will be dropped and forgotten when when something more interesting comes along. With narcissists, there's also usually a fair element of "playing doctor," as well -- of childish sexual curiosity that may find expression in "seductive" behavior towards the child, such as inappropriate touching of the genitals . . . . (more)
I also especially liked this part:
I can't add much right now, as my keyboard is still f*d up. Let it suffice to say, suddenly whole chunks of my life make more sense.
The most telling thing that narcissists do is contradict themselves. They will do this virtually in the same sentence, without even stopping to take a breath. It can be trivial (e.g., about what they want for lunch) or it can be serious (e.g., about whether or not they love you). When you ask them which one they mean, they'll deny ever saying the first one, though it may literally have been only seconds since they said it -- really, how could you think they'd ever have said that? You need to have your head examined! They will contradict FACTS. They will lie to you about things that you did together. They will misquote you to yourself. If you disagree with them, they'll say you're lying, making stuff up, or are crazy. (more)
I can't add much right now, as my keyboard is still f*d up. Let it suffice to say, suddenly whole chunks of my life make more sense.
Sunday, August 19, 2007
My most recent library wish list
| Feynman, Richard Phillips | |
| Windwalker, Stephen | |
| Weber, Steve (Stephen W.) | |
| Collins, Carolyn Strom | |
| Collins, Carolyn Strom | |
| Walker, Barbara M | |
| Leslie, Clare Walker | |
| Cusack, Cyril, 1910- | |
| Smith, Philip, 1967- | |
| Spoken Arts | |
| Green, Kathleen | |
| Gold, LauraMaery | |
| Griffith, Mary, 1953- | |
| Trelease, Jim |
Monday, July 30, 2007
St Brigid of Kildare is now in session
Today was the first "official" day of classes at lovely St. Brigid of Kildare in Kankakee County.
We started with playtime and then breakfast, then Reading (15 minutes) and Bible Story (Supposed to take 15 minutes but took about 8) . Reading is just Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons. Kiddo HATES this book, but we are already up to Lesson 75, so he will just have to live with it for a few more weeks. Bible Story is easy: I read him a story, and then he narrates back what he heard.
Then I let him take a break and watch a video about Caterpillar machines. That was the bribe for finishing his reading lesson. I used that time to do housework.
After the break, I had him read to me. Then we had planned to take a nature hike for PE (his choice--I don't care what we do so long as its active!) but he got side tracked and got in the pool. I used some of that time to put laundry on the line (right next to the pool--don't worry!) and the hopped in with him. Good times! I also did a reasonable amount of ballet exercises so got in a good workout that way. Coming back inside, I showed Kiddo haw we are logging our exercise time to earn a President's Award for Physical Fitness. He's into awards, so he thought that was a cool idea.
Then kiddo goes off to watch another video (I allow 2 per day) and I let him eat lunch in front of the TV because by now I am TIRED. Hubby comes home. There is a period of debate and confusion regarding my broke-ass van which has spent 6 of the last 7 weeks in the transmission shop and still runs exactly the same as it did when I took it in. This is a SERIOUS ISSUE now because Ted's POS Toyota finally gave up the ghost and I got that bit on news today, too. So I had to call the tranny shop, chew some ass, go to the tranny shop with husband and kiddo in tow, practically kidnap the mechanic and force him to go on a diagnostic drive with me. In the end he did tell me there is some sort of pressure in the lines that he did not notice before. I have to take the van back tomorrow so I can drop it off and use his car until he gets my van fixed the right way this time. He knows he needs to fix the tranny right because it's just a matter of time before I start wondering if I really needed the other $2400 worth of work he did.
So then we stopped at the Library. I was there Friday, but forgot my card. I spent awn hour picking out books (including tracking sown books I had selected Friday, but could not check out) only to discover I STILL did not have my card. I just found it, about one second ago, while typing this. (Well, actually I took a break to search around). It was under my desk. Dunno why.
Never mind. Now that I have the card, I can pick up the stack of books I reserved tomorrow, when I drop off the car. Joy.
Anyway, we came home from the Library and had a snack while Ted shopped for used cars on line. I did a quickie Goegraphy lesson with Kiddo. Geography for First Grade consists of Richard Scareys' Busy, Busy World, and a globe. Each story in the book is about characters who live in a different country. There are a lot of pictures, many of which show things that are unique to the location. For example, today's story was about London. It showed several unique London Guards, London Bridge, and Buckingham Palace. We read the story and talked about the pictures, and found England on a map and a globe. We did this for preschool, too, without the globe. It's fun.
Then we went on the long-awaited nature hike, which took MUCH longer than expected. Found some deer bones by the creek. We meant to pick them up on the way back but forgot. Also found a discarded tire to use for a swing. Ted will have to grab that tomorrow on the way home from work.
We got home by 8:30 and I had dinner on the table by 9:00. Kiddo showered and put on jammies before dinner. Grilled cheese sandwiches on home-made bread, roasted veggies, and vegetable soup. Hubby in bed by 10, kiddo watched a video (I'll admit it, I'm weak!) and had a snack, then we read Irish Fairy Tales and A Child's Garden of Verses until he conked out, at 11 pm like clockwork.
So now I have my quiet time, which is running out. I should be in bed my Midnight, and it is now 12:09. Enough for me. Good night.
We started with playtime and then breakfast, then Reading (15 minutes) and Bible Story (Supposed to take 15 minutes but took about 8) . Reading is just Teach Your Child to Read in 100 Easy Lessons. Kiddo HATES this book, but we are already up to Lesson 75, so he will just have to live with it for a few more weeks. Bible Story is easy: I read him a story, and then he narrates back what he heard.
Then I let him take a break and watch a video about Caterpillar machines. That was the bribe for finishing his reading lesson. I used that time to do housework.
After the break, I had him read to me. Then we had planned to take a nature hike for PE (his choice--I don't care what we do so long as its active!) but he got side tracked and got in the pool. I used some of that time to put laundry on the line (right next to the pool--don't worry!) and the hopped in with him. Good times! I also did a reasonable amount of ballet exercises so got in a good workout that way. Coming back inside, I showed Kiddo haw we are logging our exercise time to earn a President's Award for Physical Fitness. He's into awards, so he thought that was a cool idea.
Then kiddo goes off to watch another video (I allow 2 per day) and I let him eat lunch in front of the TV because by now I am TIRED. Hubby comes home. There is a period of debate and confusion regarding my broke-ass van which has spent 6 of the last 7 weeks in the transmission shop and still runs exactly the same as it did when I took it in. This is a SERIOUS ISSUE now because Ted's POS Toyota finally gave up the ghost and I got that bit on news today, too. So I had to call the tranny shop, chew some ass, go to the tranny shop with husband and kiddo in tow, practically kidnap the mechanic and force him to go on a diagnostic drive with me. In the end he did tell me there is some sort of pressure in the lines that he did not notice before. I have to take the van back tomorrow so I can drop it off and use his car until he gets my van fixed the right way this time. He knows he needs to fix the tranny right because it's just a matter of time before I start wondering if I really needed the other $2400 worth of work he did.
So then we stopped at the Library. I was there Friday, but forgot my card. I spent awn hour picking out books (including tracking sown books I had selected Friday, but could not check out) only to discover I STILL did not have my card. I just found it, about one second ago, while typing this. (Well, actually I took a break to search around). It was under my desk. Dunno why.
Never mind. Now that I have the card, I can pick up the stack of books I reserved tomorrow, when I drop off the car. Joy.
Anyway, we came home from the Library and had a snack while Ted shopped for used cars on line. I did a quickie Goegraphy lesson with Kiddo. Geography for First Grade consists of Richard Scareys' Busy, Busy World, and a globe. Each story in the book is about characters who live in a different country. There are a lot of pictures, many of which show things that are unique to the location. For example, today's story was about London. It showed several unique London Guards, London Bridge, and Buckingham Palace. We read the story and talked about the pictures, and found England on a map and a globe. We did this for preschool, too, without the globe. It's fun.
Then we went on the long-awaited nature hike, which took MUCH longer than expected. Found some deer bones by the creek. We meant to pick them up on the way back but forgot. Also found a discarded tire to use for a swing. Ted will have to grab that tomorrow on the way home from work.
We got home by 8:30 and I had dinner on the table by 9:00. Kiddo showered and put on jammies before dinner. Grilled cheese sandwiches on home-made bread, roasted veggies, and vegetable soup. Hubby in bed by 10, kiddo watched a video (I'll admit it, I'm weak!) and had a snack, then we read Irish Fairy Tales and A Child's Garden of Verses until he conked out, at 11 pm like clockwork.
So now I have my quiet time, which is running out. I should be in bed my Midnight, and it is now 12:09. Enough for me. Good night.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Vacation From Hell Part 3 (It wasn't all bad) or, How HomeSchoolers Do Vacation
Ok, so it took me a month, but now I find I can actually look back on that vacation and smile. There were a few completely awesome moments.
Animal Sightings:
We kept a log of all the different animals we saw each day. Among other neat-o things, we saw cormorants, loons, a bald eagle, and several dozen other wild creatures. It was fun searching for new things every day.
Day trip to Washington Island:
This was really a blast. We took the car ferry across and spent the whole day there. One of the favorite things to do is go to the Ostrich Farm, where they have a petting zoo full of amazing creatures: ostriches (don't pet them--they bite!) , miniature horses, alpacas, and even a camel! This picture of the camel is a couple of years old, and the camel is now grown. He is still super-friendly and for some reason, really takes to Ted. We have several years worth of video in which the camel is hanging all over him, chewing on his hat, and giving him "camel kisses." It does not treat every body like that.
We went to the Jacobsen Museum, where one man dedicated his life to building a small vacation-cottage resort and preserving the history of the island. The kids were incredibly well behaved as the looked at the old equipment in the yard. Once inside, the looked a artifacts of Island life, from a map stone made by the Pottawatomie Indians to toys and tools of just a generation or two ago. My kiddo especially liked the old telephone switchboard (the kind where the operator physically moves plugs around) because Nana used to be an operator when she was young.
By far, the best part of the Jacobsen Museum was walking down to Little Lake with Ted, Barb, Jack, and Kiddo. Yes, there really is a lake in the middle of this island. The shores were full of lovely water irises and lotuses and dozens of dragon flies buzzed over the surface of the lake. We got interested in a really big black and powder-blue one. We were all standing on the pier watching it. Then it landed on the pier and all 5 of us got down on our hands and knees to get a closer look. The dragon fly was landing and lifting up and landing again in the same place, so Barb put her hand down where it kept landing and sure enough, it landed right on the back of her hand. She giggled softly and whispered, "It tickles!" The dragon fly flew away and came back with a house fly in its mouth. We all sat there amazed and watched as the dragon fly devoured the house fly. Coolness! As soon as the fly was gone, the spell was broken and the kids went tearing up the path to tell Mike, Sue, and Nana what they saw.
The last stop was Schoolhouse Beach. We had just learned at the museum that Schoolhouse beach is one of only a few in the world to be made up entirely of lovely, round, glacier-polished rocks. We had also seen a few fossils at the museum. Let the fossil hunting commence! I especially got a kick out of this because I suspect that Mike and Sue are creationists. While they have been hoping their kids would be on fire for Jesus Christ, I was setting them on fire for searching out evidence of evolution. (Take THAT, Mike, for spilling the beans about Santa Claus! )
On the way home, I sat on the ferry and chatted with Mom. I was really really trying to be nice. Really. But it got to be too much and I decided to go take a walk and find my husband and kiddo. Guess where I found them? On the bridge of the ferry, with the captain. Guess what my kiddo was doing? Driving the bloody ferry boat!
Now how many more postcard moments can you ask for in one day?
The Evening We Went to Kangaroo Lake:
Kangaroo Lake (info) is a body of water within the peninsula. There is a long causeway through the middle of it. One evening Mike and Sue took their kids to the drive in movie, so Ted, Kiddo, Mom, and I went to see the lake. We spotted little fishes and dragon flies ( I didn't know until later that some of them were the endangered Hine's emerald dragonfly) . Even cooler to Kiddo, the causeway's underpinning incorporates several large culverts where the lake water can flow through. Where the wanter flows in to the tube, there are cool little swirls and eddies. Kiddo spent lots of time dropping bits of grass and sticks into the eddies and watching them get sucked down. Then he ran across the causeway to see them come out the other side, where dozens of little fishes were waiting to catch whatever might come out.
After leaving the lake, we went across the peninsula to watch the sunset in Ephraim and have ice cream at the famous Wilson's. As we walked on the piers to catch a good view of the sunset, we noticed a fire boat belonging to the local department. On the way back, we met the fireman who cares for the boat, and had a chance to talk at length abut the boat and Door County life in general.
A storm rolled in, and we chased it in the car. We didn't get to see much of it because we had to cross the peninsula again and got stuck in the woods, but it was fun. Except for Mom, siting in the back seat and screaming about ax murderers in the woods.
Making Love on the Balcony:
Only one night did Kiddo go to sleep before Ted and I were exhausted. Since we had no place to put him (he outgrew the bathtub as a temporary bed a couple of years ago) we left him in the room and took some blankets out on the balcony. 'Nuff said.
Animal Sightings:
We kept a log of all the different animals we saw each day. Among other neat-o things, we saw cormorants, loons, a bald eagle, and several dozen other wild creatures. It was fun searching for new things every day.
Day trip to Washington Island:
This was really a blast. We took the car ferry across and spent the whole day there. One of the favorite things to do is go to the Ostrich Farm, where they have a petting zoo full of amazing creatures: ostriches (don't pet them--they bite!) , miniature horses, alpacas, and even a camel! This picture of the camel is a couple of years old, and the camel is now grown. He is still super-friendly and for some reason, really takes to Ted. We have several years worth of video in which the camel is hanging all over him, chewing on his hat, and giving him "camel kisses." It does not treat every body like that.
We went to the Jacobsen Museum, where one man dedicated his life to building a small vacation-cottage resort and preserving the history of the island. The kids were incredibly well behaved as the looked at the old equipment in the yard. Once inside, the looked a artifacts of Island life, from a map stone made by the Pottawatomie Indians to toys and tools of just a generation or two ago. My kiddo especially liked the old telephone switchboard (the kind where the operator physically moves plugs around) because Nana used to be an operator when she was young.
By far, the best part of the Jacobsen Museum was walking down to Little Lake with Ted, Barb, Jack, and Kiddo. Yes, there really is a lake in the middle of this island. The shores were full of lovely water irises and lotuses and dozens of dragon flies buzzed over the surface of the lake. We got interested in a really big black and powder-blue one. We were all standing on the pier watching it. Then it landed on the pier and all 5 of us got down on our hands and knees to get a closer look. The dragon fly was landing and lifting up and landing again in the same place, so Barb put her hand down where it kept landing and sure enough, it landed right on the back of her hand. She giggled softly and whispered, "It tickles!" The dragon fly flew away and came back with a house fly in its mouth. We all sat there amazed and watched as the dragon fly devoured the house fly. Coolness! As soon as the fly was gone, the spell was broken and the kids went tearing up the path to tell Mike, Sue, and Nana what they saw.
The last stop was Schoolhouse Beach. We had just learned at the museum that Schoolhouse beach is one of only a few in the world to be made up entirely of lovely, round, glacier-polished rocks. We had also seen a few fossils at the museum. Let the fossil hunting commence! I especially got a kick out of this because I suspect that Mike and Sue are creationists. While they have been hoping their kids would be on fire for Jesus Christ, I was setting them on fire for searching out evidence of evolution. (Take THAT, Mike, for spilling the beans about Santa Claus! )
On the way home, I sat on the ferry and chatted with Mom. I was really really trying to be nice. Really. But it got to be too much and I decided to go take a walk and find my husband and kiddo. Guess where I found them? On the bridge of the ferry, with the captain. Guess what my kiddo was doing? Driving the bloody ferry boat!
Now how many more postcard moments can you ask for in one day?
The Evening We Went to Kangaroo Lake:
Kangaroo Lake (info) is a body of water within the peninsula. There is a long causeway through the middle of it. One evening Mike and Sue took their kids to the drive in movie, so Ted, Kiddo, Mom, and I went to see the lake. We spotted little fishes and dragon flies ( I didn't know until later that some of them were the endangered Hine's emerald dragonfly) . Even cooler to Kiddo, the causeway's underpinning incorporates several large culverts where the lake water can flow through. Where the wanter flows in to the tube, there are cool little swirls and eddies. Kiddo spent lots of time dropping bits of grass and sticks into the eddies and watching them get sucked down. Then he ran across the causeway to see them come out the other side, where dozens of little fishes were waiting to catch whatever might come out.
After leaving the lake, we went across the peninsula to watch the sunset in Ephraim and have ice cream at the famous Wilson's. As we walked on the piers to catch a good view of the sunset, we noticed a fire boat belonging to the local department. On the way back, we met the fireman who cares for the boat, and had a chance to talk at length abut the boat and Door County life in general.
A storm rolled in, and we chased it in the car. We didn't get to see much of it because we had to cross the peninsula again and got stuck in the woods, but it was fun. Except for Mom, siting in the back seat and screaming about ax murderers in the woods.
Making Love on the Balcony:
Only one night did Kiddo go to sleep before Ted and I were exhausted. Since we had no place to put him (he outgrew the bathtub as a temporary bed a couple of years ago) we left him in the room and took some blankets out on the balcony. 'Nuff said.
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